My Last Post...For Now

Sadly, my blog is coming to a close as I come closer to finals. I have really enjoyed my Family Relations class, and I have learned so much! Every week I have enjoyed sharing what I have learned with anyone who is genuinely curious about what I have to share. I have learned so many great things that I will bring into my current and future families. I encourage everyone to take a class like this; I promise it will benefit you greatly! Family is extremely important to me, and I just hope that I have helped people who may have needed this information by sharing it on this blog. As always, I hope that people continue to do their own research, and to keep on learning all that they can about families. We can never learn too much! I have loved writing on this blog, and I might even continue to do so in the future, but for now this is goodbye. Thank you for reading my posts on Sweet Meditation! I love each and every one of you!

Divorce and Remarriage

This last week I have been learning about divorce and remarriage. While I personally have never dealt with divorce and remarriage in my immediate family, I know that it can be hard to deal with for all of those involved. Before I start talking about what I have personally learned, I encourage everyone to do their own research on this topic, and to think about how this affects everyone involved.

Patterns tend to repeat themselves, so it is not surprising that when children have parents who are divorced or remarried, they are more likely to deal with it in their own lives in the future. That is why it is important to have good examples of healthy marriages to look to. We often learn by example. Those who have divorced parents are more likely to question their ability to have a successful marriage. That is why it is also important that people have a strong support system, and that they have people to reassure them of their ability to have good relationships. I think an important part of this is to be aware of the reasons behind divorce, and to see the problems can be fixed before it gets to that point. Oftentimes, couples who have divorced wished they would have just fixed their problems, instead of having it resulting of them breaking apart their marriage. That is why there are marriage and family therapists and counselors, and many other forms of help available. Marriage and the family are extremely important, so we should try all we can to protect those things.

When considering divorce, one must think about how it will affect children, and how the parents not being together will affect them as well. Divorce and remarriage are more complex than people think. I believe that children are the ones who are affected the most by divorced and remarried parents. And like I said before, children learn by example. Sometimes, people do not realize that when there is a problem between them and their spouse, their children will have to deal with it as well. Sometimes people are selfish in that way, and they don't think about how their problems affect their kids.

There are four facts I want to share with anyone reading about remarried families:

1) It takes a minimum of 2 years to adjust. This could mean socially, environmentally, and basically anything that takes adjusting.
2) Birth parents should be in charge of all heavy discipline. Children are more likely to cling to their biological parents, so if an outside person tries to discipline them, they might see that as a challenge or attack.
3) Step-parents should have relationships with step-children similar to that of a good aunt or uncle. Step-children have to learn to trust step-parents, and they still love their biological parents, so they don't want to have intruders in their lives. They are still going through tough feelings and situations when their parents divorce, so they need people who can support them.
4) There need to be more conferences between spouses about their children, whether it be biological, or step-children. Spouses need to be united when it comes to raising their children, and that is how they benefit most.

Thank you for reading! Again, I encourage everyone to do their own research, and see what works for them best.

Parenting

I may not be a parent now or anytime soon, but I know that it is extremely difficult and rewarding at the same time. I have been learning a lot about parenting recently, and I feel like it is never too early to prepare to be the best parent possible.

There are many different purposes for parenting, and we discussed a few in my Family Relations class. Some of those purposes are: preparing children for life, to have joy, to become more selfless, to bring children into the world, and to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive. No matter the reason, the important fact is that people make the decision to become parents, either consciously or unconsciously. When people become parents, they should try their best to understand what their children need, and to learn all they can about how to raise their children that will prepare them for the world.

In class, we talked about active parenting qualities and characteristics. Those are: courage, self-esteem, responsibility, cooperation, and respect. If these qualities and characteristics are present while parenting, I will bet that things can go a lot more smoothly. These are important to teach children, especially by example. Children learn a lot by seeing what the people around them do, so if a parent displays these characteristics, it is more likely that their children will too.

There are a many needs that children have that are extremely important, but I will talk about only a couple of them. One important need is contact. Studies show that when children do not have their contact needs met, they can fail to grow and thrive. Contact (whether it be physical, social, or eye contact) is more important than you think. If needs like that are not met, children can become attention-seeking and act out. It is good to offer contact freely. The other need I will talk about is belonging. Children like to know that they belong somewhere, and that they are a part of something. Have you ever noticed how young children love to help out around the house wherever they can? Well, I have personally noticed that. I think it is so awesome that children want to help out, because they have seen their parents or siblings work, and they want to follow their examples. Children are extremely impressionable. So, it is important to teach them to contribute at a young age, and that can help meet their need of belonging.

This has only been a glimpse of what I have been learning in class, but I have loved every minute of it. I cannot wait until I am a parent one day, and I will make sure to put to use what I have learned. I encourage all parents to learn all they can about parenting, because one can never know enough. The children we teach are the next generation, so it is important to raise them right.

Thank you for reading!

Motherhood is a Job

Too often people think that being a stay-at-home mom is oppressive, and that women should be going out and living their dream by working a good job. I believe that being a mom is a wonderful thing, and that women should be able to stay at home without being looked down upon.

A lot of the time, mothers go out and get jobs to help cover extra expenses, and to just bring in extra income. When mothers work though, they have to pay for childcare. When the costs for childcare are taken out of a working mother's paycheck, there is usually not much leftover, especially if they are only working a part-time job. It can actually be more cost-effective for a mom to take care of the children herself. It also provides an opportunity for a mother to bond with her kids, and to get to know them better as they grow.

Some people think that stay-at-home moms give up their intellectuality. There is an article called, "Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind For a Mop?" I personally disagree with the statement that women give up on developing their minds and knowledge to be a homemaker, which is what the author was trying to convey as well. Mothers learn so much just by having and teaching children, plus they can still continue to gain knowledge by doing so many things. Many mothers go to school part-time, and they can even do it at home, online.  Plus, mothers can still read books, articles, and many other sources of knowledge. Also, just because a woman works, doesn't mean she is expanding her mind.

I personally cannot wait to be a homemaker, but that does not mean I will stop trying to expand what I know. I love to learn, and I will continue to do that for the rest of my life. Being a mother is a dream of mine, and I cannot wait to live out that dream. Just know that if you want to be a stay-at-home mom that you don't have to feel bad about it. Being a mother is a divine role.

Thanks for reading!

All About Communication

Communication is extremely important in all types of relationships. It is especially important in marriage, though. I heard something that I really liked regarding communicating. It was that we need to communicate not just clearly enough to be understood, but so clearly we cannot be misunderstood. I think that is so true, especially since one of the habits from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood." If people are truly trying to understand one another, communication goes so much better.

About 14% of our communication is through words, around 35% is through our tone, and then about 51% is non-verbal (like hand motions and facial expressions). It is so crazy to think that we communicate so much without even saying anything. That is why we have to be careful when trying to communicate with people. In marriage, we should be clear about what we are trying to convey, and not leave the other person guessing. I think too much in relationships people try to skirt around something without even saying what is really on our minds. For example, there is a commercial where a wife tells her husband that it really stinks in the house, when she really just wants her husband to take out the trash. Of course the husband doesn't catch the hint because he is focused on a sports game, and so the wife just gets angry and finally tells him to take out the trash. When communicating, we must get to the point, or else we should not be angry if someone cannot guess what we are thinking.

When communicating, it is important to use empathic listening skills. It is good to let others know that we are actually listening to them, and that we care about them. People are more willing to say what is on their mind when we show them that we are trying to understand what they are saying, and that we actually want to understand. I know that I feel more inclined to open up to someone when I think that they actually care about me because they are listening and understanding what I am trying to convey to them. Some suggestions to do this is to repeat back to them what you believe they are saying, and to actively listen, instead of just trying to pry or give advice straight away.

I definitely thing anyone reading should do some research on their own, and don't just take my advice. I believe that relationships are best, though, when there is good and healthy communication. Thanks for reading!

Family Crisis

This week in class we talked about family crisis and coping mechanisms. I have learned that family crisis can either strengthen or weaken families. This is all based on the actual event, the resources and responses involved, and the perceptions of those in the situation, which add up for the total experience. This is called the ABCX model.

Some different events that cause family crises are: family separation, illness, injury, death, tragedy, the birth of children, etc. Many things can cause stress in a family, but there can be many different results. For example, in one family a death might result in everyone feeling distant and broken, while in another family it might result in them coming closer together, and supporting each other. Taking a different look at things, and taking on a different view of a situation is called reframing. The way an event effects a family depends on how they look at it. It is also important to have understanding, and to listen to one another.

It is also important to know that stress can be a good thing. When astronauts come back from space, their bones and muscles are weaker because they had been lacking the stress of gravity, which causes our bodies to become stronger. The cells in their body do not replace themselves at the same rate because the stress that caused them to do so is not present. Stress in life makes it possible for us to develop and become stronger. It is a good thing when used correctly.

Some healthy coping mechanisms to strengthen families during a crisis are:

• Taking responsibility for yourself, and your family. Do not try to blame others for the situation you are in. Blame only causes hurt. 
• Using available resources. If you need help dealing with something, see a counselor or professional who can help you through the tough times.
• Encourage the expression of feelings. Don't try to shut out feelings for fear of appearing weak, or fear of losing control. It is good, and healthy, to express emotions. 
• Turn to family and friends for support. They know you best, and can probably help you in ways you might not even think possible. 
• See how a tragedy can help you learn and grow, instead of focusing on how difficult it is for you. 

If you apply good coping mechanisms to your life during times of crises, you will be better off, and will have greater relationships with your family. Try not to let the depression and despair consume you. Just know that there is always a way to benefit from the hard things in life. 

Are You Teaching Your Child?

Are you the one teaching your child about sexual intimacy? I believe it is important that parents teach their children about sex, rather than rely on school programs that may go against one's beliefs. You are the only one who can teach your child in the way you want them to learn about it. Schools are generally teaching sex education in younger grades than many parents want them to. They are also becoming more liberal in what they teach children in school about sex, such as same gender sexual intimacy. More often, parents are not even allowed to opt their children out of these classes. In some parts of California, parents are not allowed to be contacted by teachers about when their children will start having sex ed classes, and they are not allowed to take their children out of the class. It is scary to me that these rights are being taken away from parents. Schools should not have the right to do this without parental consent. That is why I suggest having a good relationship with your child, so you know what they are learning in school, and when they are learning it.

It may be uncomfortable, or even embarrassing, to talk about sex with your child. Just know that it will greatly benefit your child in the future, if you teach them in a safe and loving environment. You do not have to disclose specific details, but let them know that it is a beautiful and loving process for a person to become closer with their spouse, and to be able to bring children into the world. There are many resources available to parents about what to teach children at specific ages. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has a wonderful guide for parents specifically about this. Know about your options; be educated yourself. I know that if you teach your child personally about sex will greatly benefit them. It is also a way to have an even greater relationship with your child. Be involved in your children's lives, and educate them the best way possible.

 Here is the link for the Parent's Guide from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng