My Last Post...For Now

Sadly, my blog is coming to a close as I come closer to finals. I have really enjoyed my Family Relations class, and I have learned so much! Every week I have enjoyed sharing what I have learned with anyone who is genuinely curious about what I have to share. I have learned so many great things that I will bring into my current and future families. I encourage everyone to take a class like this; I promise it will benefit you greatly! Family is extremely important to me, and I just hope that I have helped people who may have needed this information by sharing it on this blog. As always, I hope that people continue to do their own research, and to keep on learning all that they can about families. We can never learn too much! I have loved writing on this blog, and I might even continue to do so in the future, but for now this is goodbye. Thank you for reading my posts on Sweet Meditation! I love each and every one of you!

Divorce and Remarriage

This last week I have been learning about divorce and remarriage. While I personally have never dealt with divorce and remarriage in my immediate family, I know that it can be hard to deal with for all of those involved. Before I start talking about what I have personally learned, I encourage everyone to do their own research on this topic, and to think about how this affects everyone involved.

Patterns tend to repeat themselves, so it is not surprising that when children have parents who are divorced or remarried, they are more likely to deal with it in their own lives in the future. That is why it is important to have good examples of healthy marriages to look to. We often learn by example. Those who have divorced parents are more likely to question their ability to have a successful marriage. That is why it is also important that people have a strong support system, and that they have people to reassure them of their ability to have good relationships. I think an important part of this is to be aware of the reasons behind divorce, and to see the problems can be fixed before it gets to that point. Oftentimes, couples who have divorced wished they would have just fixed their problems, instead of having it resulting of them breaking apart their marriage. That is why there are marriage and family therapists and counselors, and many other forms of help available. Marriage and the family are extremely important, so we should try all we can to protect those things.

When considering divorce, one must think about how it will affect children, and how the parents not being together will affect them as well. Divorce and remarriage are more complex than people think. I believe that children are the ones who are affected the most by divorced and remarried parents. And like I said before, children learn by example. Sometimes, people do not realize that when there is a problem between them and their spouse, their children will have to deal with it as well. Sometimes people are selfish in that way, and they don't think about how their problems affect their kids.

There are four facts I want to share with anyone reading about remarried families:

1) It takes a minimum of 2 years to adjust. This could mean socially, environmentally, and basically anything that takes adjusting.
2) Birth parents should be in charge of all heavy discipline. Children are more likely to cling to their biological parents, so if an outside person tries to discipline them, they might see that as a challenge or attack.
3) Step-parents should have relationships with step-children similar to that of a good aunt or uncle. Step-children have to learn to trust step-parents, and they still love their biological parents, so they don't want to have intruders in their lives. They are still going through tough feelings and situations when their parents divorce, so they need people who can support them.
4) There need to be more conferences between spouses about their children, whether it be biological, or step-children. Spouses need to be united when it comes to raising their children, and that is how they benefit most.

Thank you for reading! Again, I encourage everyone to do their own research, and see what works for them best.

Parenting

I may not be a parent now or anytime soon, but I know that it is extremely difficult and rewarding at the same time. I have been learning a lot about parenting recently, and I feel like it is never too early to prepare to be the best parent possible.

There are many different purposes for parenting, and we discussed a few in my Family Relations class. Some of those purposes are: preparing children for life, to have joy, to become more selfless, to bring children into the world, and to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive. No matter the reason, the important fact is that people make the decision to become parents, either consciously or unconsciously. When people become parents, they should try their best to understand what their children need, and to learn all they can about how to raise their children that will prepare them for the world.

In class, we talked about active parenting qualities and characteristics. Those are: courage, self-esteem, responsibility, cooperation, and respect. If these qualities and characteristics are present while parenting, I will bet that things can go a lot more smoothly. These are important to teach children, especially by example. Children learn a lot by seeing what the people around them do, so if a parent displays these characteristics, it is more likely that their children will too.

There are a many needs that children have that are extremely important, but I will talk about only a couple of them. One important need is contact. Studies show that when children do not have their contact needs met, they can fail to grow and thrive. Contact (whether it be physical, social, or eye contact) is more important than you think. If needs like that are not met, children can become attention-seeking and act out. It is good to offer contact freely. The other need I will talk about is belonging. Children like to know that they belong somewhere, and that they are a part of something. Have you ever noticed how young children love to help out around the house wherever they can? Well, I have personally noticed that. I think it is so awesome that children want to help out, because they have seen their parents or siblings work, and they want to follow their examples. Children are extremely impressionable. So, it is important to teach them to contribute at a young age, and that can help meet their need of belonging.

This has only been a glimpse of what I have been learning in class, but I have loved every minute of it. I cannot wait until I am a parent one day, and I will make sure to put to use what I have learned. I encourage all parents to learn all they can about parenting, because one can never know enough. The children we teach are the next generation, so it is important to raise them right.

Thank you for reading!

Motherhood is a Job

Too often people think that being a stay-at-home mom is oppressive, and that women should be going out and living their dream by working a good job. I believe that being a mom is a wonderful thing, and that women should be able to stay at home without being looked down upon.

A lot of the time, mothers go out and get jobs to help cover extra expenses, and to just bring in extra income. When mothers work though, they have to pay for childcare. When the costs for childcare are taken out of a working mother's paycheck, there is usually not much leftover, especially if they are only working a part-time job. It can actually be more cost-effective for a mom to take care of the children herself. It also provides an opportunity for a mother to bond with her kids, and to get to know them better as they grow.

Some people think that stay-at-home moms give up their intellectuality. There is an article called, "Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind For a Mop?" I personally disagree with the statement that women give up on developing their minds and knowledge to be a homemaker, which is what the author was trying to convey as well. Mothers learn so much just by having and teaching children, plus they can still continue to gain knowledge by doing so many things. Many mothers go to school part-time, and they can even do it at home, online.  Plus, mothers can still read books, articles, and many other sources of knowledge. Also, just because a woman works, doesn't mean she is expanding her mind.

I personally cannot wait to be a homemaker, but that does not mean I will stop trying to expand what I know. I love to learn, and I will continue to do that for the rest of my life. Being a mother is a dream of mine, and I cannot wait to live out that dream. Just know that if you want to be a stay-at-home mom that you don't have to feel bad about it. Being a mother is a divine role.

Thanks for reading!

All About Communication

Communication is extremely important in all types of relationships. It is especially important in marriage, though. I heard something that I really liked regarding communicating. It was that we need to communicate not just clearly enough to be understood, but so clearly we cannot be misunderstood. I think that is so true, especially since one of the habits from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood." If people are truly trying to understand one another, communication goes so much better.

About 14% of our communication is through words, around 35% is through our tone, and then about 51% is non-verbal (like hand motions and facial expressions). It is so crazy to think that we communicate so much without even saying anything. That is why we have to be careful when trying to communicate with people. In marriage, we should be clear about what we are trying to convey, and not leave the other person guessing. I think too much in relationships people try to skirt around something without even saying what is really on our minds. For example, there is a commercial where a wife tells her husband that it really stinks in the house, when she really just wants her husband to take out the trash. Of course the husband doesn't catch the hint because he is focused on a sports game, and so the wife just gets angry and finally tells him to take out the trash. When communicating, we must get to the point, or else we should not be angry if someone cannot guess what we are thinking.

When communicating, it is important to use empathic listening skills. It is good to let others know that we are actually listening to them, and that we care about them. People are more willing to say what is on their mind when we show them that we are trying to understand what they are saying, and that we actually want to understand. I know that I feel more inclined to open up to someone when I think that they actually care about me because they are listening and understanding what I am trying to convey to them. Some suggestions to do this is to repeat back to them what you believe they are saying, and to actively listen, instead of just trying to pry or give advice straight away.

I definitely thing anyone reading should do some research on their own, and don't just take my advice. I believe that relationships are best, though, when there is good and healthy communication. Thanks for reading!

Family Crisis

This week in class we talked about family crisis and coping mechanisms. I have learned that family crisis can either strengthen or weaken families. This is all based on the actual event, the resources and responses involved, and the perceptions of those in the situation, which add up for the total experience. This is called the ABCX model.

Some different events that cause family crises are: family separation, illness, injury, death, tragedy, the birth of children, etc. Many things can cause stress in a family, but there can be many different results. For example, in one family a death might result in everyone feeling distant and broken, while in another family it might result in them coming closer together, and supporting each other. Taking a different look at things, and taking on a different view of a situation is called reframing. The way an event effects a family depends on how they look at it. It is also important to have understanding, and to listen to one another.

It is also important to know that stress can be a good thing. When astronauts come back from space, their bones and muscles are weaker because they had been lacking the stress of gravity, which causes our bodies to become stronger. The cells in their body do not replace themselves at the same rate because the stress that caused them to do so is not present. Stress in life makes it possible for us to develop and become stronger. It is a good thing when used correctly.

Some healthy coping mechanisms to strengthen families during a crisis are:

• Taking responsibility for yourself, and your family. Do not try to blame others for the situation you are in. Blame only causes hurt. 
• Using available resources. If you need help dealing with something, see a counselor or professional who can help you through the tough times.
• Encourage the expression of feelings. Don't try to shut out feelings for fear of appearing weak, or fear of losing control. It is good, and healthy, to express emotions. 
• Turn to family and friends for support. They know you best, and can probably help you in ways you might not even think possible. 
• See how a tragedy can help you learn and grow, instead of focusing on how difficult it is for you. 

If you apply good coping mechanisms to your life during times of crises, you will be better off, and will have greater relationships with your family. Try not to let the depression and despair consume you. Just know that there is always a way to benefit from the hard things in life. 

Are You Teaching Your Child?

Are you the one teaching your child about sexual intimacy? I believe it is important that parents teach their children about sex, rather than rely on school programs that may go against one's beliefs. You are the only one who can teach your child in the way you want them to learn about it. Schools are generally teaching sex education in younger grades than many parents want them to. They are also becoming more liberal in what they teach children in school about sex, such as same gender sexual intimacy. More often, parents are not even allowed to opt their children out of these classes. In some parts of California, parents are not allowed to be contacted by teachers about when their children will start having sex ed classes, and they are not allowed to take their children out of the class. It is scary to me that these rights are being taken away from parents. Schools should not have the right to do this without parental consent. That is why I suggest having a good relationship with your child, so you know what they are learning in school, and when they are learning it.

It may be uncomfortable, or even embarrassing, to talk about sex with your child. Just know that it will greatly benefit your child in the future, if you teach them in a safe and loving environment. You do not have to disclose specific details, but let them know that it is a beautiful and loving process for a person to become closer with their spouse, and to be able to bring children into the world. There are many resources available to parents about what to teach children at specific ages. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has a wonderful guide for parents specifically about this. Know about your options; be educated yourself. I know that if you teach your child personally about sex will greatly benefit them. It is also a way to have an even greater relationship with your child. Be involved in your children's lives, and educate them the best way possible.

 Here is the link for the Parent's Guide from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng

Transitions in Marriage

This week we have been talking a lot about marriage, and the transitions that couples go through while being married. During that first month of marriage, there are several adjustments that couples go through, such as defining rules, boundaries, and responsibilities. It can be tough to assign who does what in a household, and discussions like these should be discussed while a couple is engaged. During the first year (or couple of years), a couple also adjusts to one another's social lives, values, and limitations. These also should be discussed and established during engagement, if possible.

Some of the most important tasks during engagement are to establish patterns, learn about each other and yourself more, establish roles in families, know each other's families, define social boundaries, and discuss mutual decision making. It is important to talk things through throughout the engagement, and to still have a good time as a couple. It is also important to ask one another what they thing the purpose of family is. These conversations can help define the marriage, and see what it will be like ahead of time.

It has been determined that as children are born in a marriage, marital satisfaction declines until the children leave. This can be due to a number of reasons, such as the father not being included in all of the life of the child, such as helping take care of baby tasks, and not being a part of the bond between the mother and baby. When there is communication, and inclusion, the marital satisfaction is more likely to not go down.

The ultimate purpose of two people being married is to create a new family.

Thanks for reading!

Preparing for Marriage by Dating

We have recently talked about preparing for marriage in class. Well, a large part of preparing for marriage is dating. Now, there is a difference between dating and hanging out. Hanging out is just being around someone for a certain period of time, while dating is more than that. Hanging out is usually spontaneous, and if you are hanging out with lots of people, there is almost that sense of competition to fight for one person's attention. A relationship built upon hanging out all the time is not the healthiest of relationships, and it can determine the kind of marriage a couple will have.

Dating is usually classified as these three things: planned, paid for, and paired off. When a date or activity is planned, that shows that there was conscious effort put behind it. It isn't just some spontaneous hang out where you watch Netflix and barely speak to each other. When a date is paid for, that means resources have been put into place, and can also show how much thought the person put into the whole date. A date doesn't have to be expensive, though. Some of the most fun dates are the small ones that don't take a lot of money, such as a small picnic in the park. Finally, a date really should be paired off, which means it's just you and your date, or you two and another couple. It should really be clear, though, who is on the date with whom.When a couple is paired off, they can really get to know one another, and there is more opportunity to learn about personal interests and such. Being paired off also means that each person is responsible for the needs of the other, and should be more sensitive to that, instead of having to worry about multiple people (like in hanging out).

Dating is also a good way to get to know another person, and see how they react in certain situations. For example, if two couples go on a date, and they decide to go to the park and build a snow fort (assuming it's winter), that is an opportunity to someone's true personality and character in a group setting. You can see how they react to other people's ideas, and how they interact with other couples. It is also a way to see how they show leadership, and how they respond to the cold weather. It is important to go on many different kinds of dates when in a relationship with someone, to see how they are in specific circumstances. It is also a way to show the kind of person you are. Just know that the best predictor of future behavior is current behavior.

Dating is truly important when trying to choose a future spouse and companion. It shows what kind of person you are with, and is a way to get to know them personally. Dating is also just plain fun. Remember, it doesn't mean that you love that person, or that you have to be committed to them; it is a fun way to get to know lots of people, while finding what you want in an eternal companion.

Thanks for reading!

Gender Differences and Same-Sex Attraction

This week in class, we learned a lot about gender differences. We watched a video that discussed these differences. In the video, there were women who believed that men and women should be completely equal They also believed that the only reason we grow up to have different preferences (like dolls or cars), is because of parents raising them that way. Throughout the video, though, the interviewer kept trying to bring up biological differences to those women, but they just wouldn't have it. I personally disagree with the women in the video, because there were some differences that just couldn't be refuted. Overall, women were more social, self-soothing, and were better able to remember the placement of objects. Men however, thought more in 3-D, and were more aggressive. It also showed that for the majority, females are relationship-oriented, while males are more task-oriented. I just thought it was interesting to see all the differences between the genders. I believe that men and women were created to be different, and to compliment each other. If everyone was the same, the world would be a boring place.

We also talked about same-sex attraction this week. There was another video that we watched that showed some of the reasons people (specifically males), might be attracted to their same sex. To be clear, when someone is attracted physically, or sexually, to someone of the same sex, it is called same-sex attraction. A homosexual is someone who has acted on their attraction, and gay and lesbian is more of a term that some people use to refer to their identity. Some of the reasons the video gave for same-sex attraction among men were: sexual abuse from the same sex, craving male attention, pornography, father hunger, and bullying. It is often difficult for people when they feel sexual attraction to people of the same gender. It brings up mixed and confused feelings. Through therapy, though, people can overcome those feelings if they want to change. I just thought it was all very interesting, and it made sense to me.

I fully encourage anyone reading to do their own research, and decide how they feel for themselves. This is all just how I feel about what I have learned in class.

Thank you for reading!

Culture, Social Class, and Diversity

This week in our Family Relations class we have been talking a lot about different social classes, cultures, and diversities, and how they affect families. I have really been enjoying the class discussions we have had this week on this topic. Culture can be described as one's beliefs, traditions, values, and actions. Social class is usually associated with wealth, social status, and where one lives. These two often go hand in hand. Although, where one can usually not choose their social class, you can choose what culture you want to belong to. We watched some videos on people's social classes, and how that affected their lives, and the lives of those around them. It is really interesting how much your culture and social class determine what your life is like.

We also talked about how there are many diversities in families. We specifically talked about how in Hispanic families, it is not uncommon for a family member to leave for a while to go to the U.S. and work to be able to get the rest of the family there together. That really changes the dynamics and roles in the family. This doesn't apply to just Hispanic families, though; it can apply to a wide variety of families all over the world. What will happen is that the family member that leaves first is usually the father, and so roles have to shift. The mother usually has to start working, and being a stronger disciplinarian to the children. When the family is finally back together, it is hard for them to adjust to the way they originally were. It is just interesting to see how different a family can be if just one person leaves for a long period of time.

I encourage anyone reading to do some research about this on their own; it really is interesting to read about. Here is what I mainly read on Hispanic families:

file:///C:/Users/Hannah/Downloads/The%20Costs%20of%20Getting%20Ahead,%20from%20Smith,%20et%20al.pdf

Thanks for reading!

Family Systems

This week I have been learning about certain theories. A theory is basically an explanation of something. Social scientists use theories to guide their research. Some of their research includes the study of intimate relationships. The four most commonly known theories studied by social scientists to understand intimate relationships are: systems theory, exchange theory, symbolic interaction theory, and conflict theory.

The book we are reading out of in my class, called Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy by Robert H. Lauer, says the following about systems theory:
"As applied to intimate relationships, system theory asserts that the intimate group must be analyzed as a whole; the group has boundaries that distinguish from other groups. Thus, particular people from the system have particular rules and roles that apply to their system. Furthermore, the group is also composed of interrelated parts or individuals. That is, the parts are not independent but influence each other and work together in such a way that the system tends to be maintained; outside influences generally cause minimal change."

I liked this explanation of systems theory.

Exchange theory asserts that we want the costs in relationships to be lower than the rewards. For example, there is the phrase "you owe me one." That demonstrates exchange theory in action. If the costs in relationships are higher than the rewards, we often tend to stray from those people.

Symbolic interaction theory is usually about the perception of meaning in relationships. In the book it says, "That is, what happens in interaction is a result not merely of what individuals bring to it but also of the interaction itself." Also, peoples ideas and perceptions change as they interact with different people.

Conflict theory, as said in the book, "asserts that all societies are characterized by inequality, conflict, and change as groups within the society struggle over scarce resources." This theory is basically about how people in groups and relationships have conflicting ideas, and there are different reactions to it. An example of this is feminists. Overall, they agree that everyone should be equal, but different feminist believe this to different extents.

I really enjoyed learning about different theories and systems, and I would encourage you all to do some research on it!

Thanks for reading!

The Population Crisis

People are always talking about how the world population is growing at a rate that will exceed the carrying capacity of the earth. Well, I recently watched a video for my family relations class that says the opposite is occurring. It had some interesting facts that I thought I would share with you all.

The video I watched said that we can most likely expect a decrease in the population during the next 40 years, or so. One of the reasons for this is the drop in fertility rate. Fertility rate is how many children, on average, a woman has in her lifetime. The current fertility rate, for the world, is about 2.47 children. The fertility replacement rate is about 2.13 children. This means that we need a fertility rate of about 2.13 children to maintain the current population. While it may seem that we are at a good place right now for maintaining the population since we are over the replacement rate, research shows that it has been dropping each year. For example, in about 9 years it dropped from 2.6 to 2.47, which is crazy for such a short amount of time, and it will just continue to get lower and lower. Not to mention that in Japan, the fertility rate is 1.2 children. There are more adults than children, and the decrease in their population started in 2005. Also, in Russia, about 40% more people are dying than being born. Just imagine if more countries follow their lead; the population will be decreasing in no time!

People have been predicting that there will not be enough resources to go around. In fact, in the sixties they were predicting that there wasn't enough to support 4 billion people. Today we have over 7 billion people, and we are still doing fine thanks to human resources. People are innovative and creative, and keep coming up with ways to make new things to support human life. If the population continues to drop, though, there will be less people to create those new technologies and innovations.

Feel free to watch the video that I did, and do your own research! I will put the link to the video below:

http://www.byutv.org/watch/59b6b917-984a-478f-93b1-521a647779c4/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter-part-1

Thanks for reading!

Welcome to Sweet Meditation!

Throughout this semester, I will be posting about what I am learning in my Family Relations class. I hope to just share my thoughts and insights with anyone reading, and I hope that you enjoy them! Thank you for taking the time to look at my blog!